Setting The Default Slate Star Codex[Epistemic status: I predict everyone except me will respond to this with “Duuuuuuuuh”, but I found it changed some views of mine]I. I recently did couples therapy with two gay men who’d gotten married a year or so ago. Since then one of them, let’s call him Adam, decided he was bored with his sex life and went to a club where they did some things I will not describe here. His husband, let’s call him Steve, was upset by what he considered infidelity, and they had a big fight. Both of them wanted to stay together for the sake of the kids (did I mention they adopted some kids?) but this club thing was a pretty big deal, so they decided to seek professional help. Adam made the following proposal: he knew Steve was not very kinky, so Adam would go do his kinky stuff at the club, with Steve’s knowledge and consent. That way everyone could get what they wanted.
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Sure, it would involve having sex with other people, but it didn’t mean anything, and it was selfish for a spouse to assert some kind of right to “control” the other spouse anyway. Steve made the following counterproposal: no. He liked monogamy and fidelity and it would make him really jealous and angry to think of Adam going out and having sex with other people, even in a meaningless way. He argued that if Adam didn’t like monogamy, maybe he shouldn’t have proposed entering into a form of life that has been pretty much defined by its insistence on monogamy for the past several thousand years and then sworn adherence to that form of life in front of everyone they knew. If Adam hadn’t liked monogamy, he had ample opportunity to avoid it before he had bound his life together with Steve’s. Now he was stuck. Adam gave the following counterargument: yeah, marriage usually implies remaining monogamous, but that was all legal boilerplate.
He had wanted to get married to symbolize his committment to Steve – committment that he still had! Steve gave the following countercounterargument: okay, this is all very sad, but now we are stuck in this position, and clearly only one of the two people could get their preference satisfied, and given the whole marriage- implies- monogamy thing, it seemed pretty clear that that person should be him. So then of course they both turned to me for advice. The rules for psychotherapy are a lot like the rules for Aaron Burr: talk less, smile more, don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for. This last principle is generally known as “therapeutic neutrality”, and it demands that we not take sides in our patients’ disputes or dilemmas.
Instead, we try to remain an impartial discussion facilitator, teasing out our patients’ true values and concerns until they are able to come to a conclusion on their own. On the other hand, their friends probably don’t have the same scruples and are going to be offering them advice. And I wondered what advice I would give, if I were their friends and not stuck in metaphorical Switzerland.
II. Assume Steve’s analysis is right; this is a zero- sum game and there’s no way for them both to come out of it happy. Which side do we choose? A quick retreat to a simpler situation: suppose Adam really wants to keep all the windows in the house open all winter with no heat on, so that the inside temperature is 1. F and the house is full of snow. Steve does not want to do this. Both of them want to stay together for the sake of the kids, but this do- we- freeze- our- house thing is really getting in the way.
This problem is easy. Adam, you’re crazy and your preferences are stupid and don’t count. Suck it up and keep living with Steve at normal- person temperatures.
Another retreat in the other direction: suppose Adam wants to sometimes take a shower, but for some reason the thought of Adam being in a shower pisses Steve off and he refuses to allow it. Once again, both of them want to stay together for the sake of the kids, but this can- Adam- take- a- shower thing is really getting in the way.
This problem is also easy. Steve, this time your preferences are stupid and don’t count. Suck it up and let Adam take a shower. A third new situation. The one Unit of Caring recently discussed on her blog. A transwoman wants to have Christmas with her family, but her family doesn’t believe in transgender and insists on calling her by her original male name and male pronouns.
Both her and her family don’t want to “ruin Christmas” by refusing to get together as a family or making a big deal of this. Who is in the right? Unit of Caring writes: Anyone who does not respect their siblings enough to call them by the name of their choosing does not then get to go “oh! If you want people to spend time around you, call them by the names they chose.
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If you wouldn’t repeatedly slap your siblings in the face, don’t deliberately misgender them either.
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Iraq War - Wikipedia. Iraq War. Part of the Iraq conflict (2.
War on Terror. Clockwise from top: U. S. troops at Uday and Qusay Hussein's hideout; insurgents in northern Iraq; an Iraqi insurgent firing a MANPADS; the toppling of the Saddam Hussein statue in Firdos Square. Belligerents. Invasion phase (2. United States United Kingdom Australia Poland. Peshmerga. Support from: NetherlandsInvasion phase (2.
Ba'athist Iraq. Post- invasion(2. United States United Kingdom. New Iraqi government. Supported by: Iran Iraqi Kurdistan. Post- invasion (2.
Ba'ath loyalists. Sunni insurgents.
Shia insurgentssupported by: Iran. For fighting between insurgent groups, see Sectarian violence in Iraq (2. Commanders and leaders. Ayad Allawi. Ibrahim al- Jaafari. Nouri al- Maliki. Ricardo Sanchez. George W. Casey, Jr. David Petraeus.
Raymond T. Odierno. Lloyd Austin. George W. Bush. Barack Obama. Tommy Franks. Donald Rumsfeld. Robert Gates. Tony Blair. Gordon Brown. David Cameron.
John Howard. Kevin Rudd. Walter Natynczyk. Anders Fogh Rasmussen. Aleksander Kwaśniewski. Silvio Berlusconi. José María Aznar. Ba'ath Party. Saddam Hussein (POW)Izzat Ibrahim ad- Douri.
Sunni insurgency. Abu Musab al- Zarqawi †Abu Ayyub al- Masri †Abu Omar al- Baghdadi †Abu Bakr al- Baghdadi.
Ishmael Jubouri. Abu Abdullah al- Shafi'i (POW)Shia insurgency. Muqtada al- Sadr.
Abu Deraa. Qais al- Khazali. Akram al- Kabi. Strength. Invasion forces(2. United States: 1. United Kingdom: 4. Australia: 2,0. 00 Poland: 1. Peshmerga: 7. 0,0.
Coalition forces(2. United States Forces – Iraq(2. Security contractors 6,0. Iraqi security forces. Awakening militias≈1. Iraqi Kurdistan≈4.
Kurdish Border Guard: 3. Peshmerga 3. 75,0. Iraqi Armed Forces: 3. Special Iraqi Republican Guard: 1. Iraqi Republican Guard: 7. Fedayeen Saddam: 3.
Sunni Insurgents≈7. Qaeda≈1,3. 00 (2. Islamic State of Iraq≈1,0.
Army of the Men of the Naqshbandi Order≈5. Casualties and losses. Iraqi Security Forces (post- Saddam)Killed: 1.
Wounded: 4. 0,0. 00+[2. Coalition forces. Killed: 4,8. 15[2. U. S.,[2. 6] 1. 79 UK,[2. Missing/captured (U. S.): 1. 7 (8 rescued, 9 died in captivity)[2. Wounded: 3. 2,7. 76+ (3.
U. S.,[2. 9] 3. 15 UK, 2. Injured/diseases/other medical*: 5.
U. S.,[3. 5] 3,5. UK)[3. 1][3. 3][3.
Contractors. Killed: 1,5. Wounded & injured: 4.
Awakening Councils. Construction Equipment Toys For Adults. Killed: 1,0. 02+[3. Wounded: 5. 00+ (2.
Total dead: 2. 5,2. Total wounded: 1. Iraqi combatant dead (invasion period): 7,6. Insurgents (post- Saddam)Killed: 2. Detainees: 1. 2,0. Dental Flippers For Adults For Sale. Iraqi- held)[4. 4]Total dead: 3. Estimated deaths: Lancet survey** (March 2.
July 2. 00. 6): 6. CI: 3. 92,9. 79–9. Iraq Family Health Survey*** (March 2. July 2. 00. 6): 1. CI: 1. 04,0. 00–2. PLOS Medicine Study**: (March 2. June 2. 01. 1): 4.
CI: 4. 8,0. 00–7. Documented deaths from violence: Iraq Body Count (2.
December 2. 01. 1): 1. Iraq War Logs[5. 0]Associated Press (March 2. April 2. 00. 9): 1. For more information see: Casualties of the Iraq War* "injured, diseased, or other medical": required medical air transport.
UK number includes "aeromed evacuations"**Total excess deaths include all additional deaths due to increased lawlessness, degraded infrastructure, poorer healthcare, etc.***Violent deaths only - does not include excess deaths due to increased lawlessness, poorer healthcare, etc. The Iraq War[nb 1] was a protracted armed conflict that began in 2. Iraq by a United States- led coalition that overthrew the government of Saddam Hussein.
The conflict continued for much of the next decade as an insurgency emerged to oppose the occupying forces and the post- invasion Iraqi government.[5. An estimated 1. 51,0. Iraqis were killed in the first 3–4 years of conflict.
The US became re- involved in 2. The invasion occurred as part of a declared war against international terrorism and its sponsors under the administration of US President George W. Bush following the September 1.
The invasion began on 2. March 2. 00. 3,[5. US, joined by the United Kingdom and several coalition allies, launching a "shock and awe" bombing campaign. Iraqi forces were quickly overwhelmed as U. S. forces swept through the country. The invasion led to the collapse of the Ba'athist government; Saddam was captured during Operation Red Dawn in December of that same year and executed by a military court three years later.
However, the power vacuum following Saddam's demise and the mismanagement of the occupation led to widespread sectarian violence between Shias and Sunnis, as well as a lengthy insurgency against U. S. and coalition forces. Many violent insurgent groups were supported by Iran and al- Qaeda in Iraq. The United States responded with a troop surge in 2.
The winding down of U. S. involvement in Iraq accelerated under President Barack Obama. The US formally withdrew all combat troops from Iraq by December 2.